Dudes and Dads Do Yoga Too
Four friends talk yoga, friendship, and fatherhood
by Julia Collins
Paul (far right), a Marine, is the newest to join the morning yoga routine with his longtime friends Brett (left), Chris, and Ryan (not pictured). Brett and Chris convinced him to give it a try, and now he comes to class twice weekly.
What happens when you put four childhood friends in a hot yoga class? Well, if they’re guys, it’s bound to be interesting.
Every Monday and Friday, four longtime friends meet at Soul Society Yoga, on Kent Island, to keep each other accountable, give each other a hard time, and do a workout that, they say, is as hard as any gym routine.
We sat down with them to talk yoga, friendship, and fatherhood.
Ryan, a new father, says yoga helps him be present, live in the moment and transition from a long workday to time with family.
Soul Society: How long have you each been practicing yoga?
Paul Herdener: 3 months
Chris Jacobs: 1.5 years
Brett Cheplowitz: October will be 6 years!
Ryan Morris: 8 months
Soul Society: How did you get introduced to it?
Chris: I told a friend that I tried YouTube yoga in my hotel room after a long day of traveling and it really helped me. Christmas happened to be right around the corner, and he bought me a yoga mat. Soul Society happened to open shortly after, and I have been hooked since.
Brett: I had a pretty bad injury and decided it was time to jump in. I practiced one day a week at Yoga Factory, in Annapolis, which is near my office. Since Soul Society opened last January, I’ve come twice a week and it’s incredible the progress I’ve seen from coming once a week to twice a week.
Ryan: I need to work on my flexibility and posture, and I don’t have the discipline to stretch on a daily basis on my own. So yoga it was.
Paul: I had tried yoga but never been committed. One of the first times was in Okinawa with my Marine Platoon. The instructor crushed us, it was 100 degrees and humid in the gym, and I was like this is lame never going again! Also my schedule and work requirements didn't enable easy access. When I moved back to MD, friends who had been practicing for much longer recommended I join them, and I am very happy I did.
Brett says that in going from practicing once a week to twice, he has seen more rapid improvements and durability, such as getting this bind for Birds of Paradise.
Soul Society: Did you have any reservations about yoga before trying it?
Paul: My only reservation was a feeling that I was super inflexible. I felt I wouldn't be able to do anything properly, and frankly I don't like a lot of feedback that is not positive. However, after getting on the mat I realized:
A. I was more flexible than I thought,
B. The speed I would increase my flexibility was rapid,
C. There isn't any judgement, corrections are conveyed in a coaching manner, and it doesn't matter if you can do something perfectly, it's more about pushing your body to the point you feel you are getting something out of it and, over time, it will improve.
Chris: I think it’s only natural to have reservations before trying new things. Mine was the simple fact I had no idea what I was doing or what to expect. The whole family at Soul Society, from the instructors to members, have been very welcoming and encouraging. My initial reservation immediately faded after my first yoga class there.
Brett: Yes. Just the stigma of a dude doing yoga. Truly don’t care anymore.
Postures like Standing Forehead to Knee take consistent practice, patience, and time. After a year and a half of twice weekly practice, Chris (right), can now grab his foot.
Soul Society: You’re doing our most challenging classes, but how does it compare to other workouts you do currently or have done in the past?
Paul: It can be just as challenging as a long hard run, ruck, heavy weights, you name it. I don’t think any gym rat would say this is a wasted opportunity to work out. Since it is based on your own limits, if you constantly move deeper into the position, you will find yourself exerting plenty of energy, sweating, and engaging your muscles in a healthy way.
Lengthening and engaging warm muscles feels much better than tearing down fibers after a quick stretch in a cold weight room. The most positive difference is I don't feel the soreness I typically experience from weight training.
Chris: Yoga is a completely different type of workout than my other strength and cardio routines. It forces me to clear my mind and focus while I am on the mat. I can power through my other workouts whereas yoga forces me to be present in the moment. I find regular practice increases my strength, balance, flexibility, and improves my mental state.
Brett: All of us being former athletes, it’s a huge juxtaposition from what we’ve done our entire lives leading up to sports and then post-sports life; it’s all very lift and heavy centric. This is such the opposite. The biggest change for me has been lengthening instead of lifting all the time. It’s a total range of motion game-changer.
Ryan: The lifting and cardio I’ve done has always been tied to a specific goal. You get a little older and increasingly, working out becomes more about general health, wellness, feeling good, longevity. Your priorities change.
Brett, his wife Danielle, and their 2.5 year old, Maeve, have made yoga at Soul Society a family thing, with early morning classes for Brett, prenatal classes for Danielle, and Little Kids Yoga for Maeve.
Soul Society: Father’s Day is coming up. How does yoga affect your roles as husband and father?
Ryan: What was most striking to me was that we all work pretty damn hard, 12 hours a day, running as hard as you can. Then when you try to shift gears at the end of the day to try to spend time with your kids, it’s almost impossible. You haven’t worked that muscle before to really settle down and enjoy the moment. Actually connecting with your family becomes really hard, and this is the repetition you need to learn how to center yourself, be present, live in the moment. I think that very directly translates to enjoying time with your kids and getting the most out of what is a fairly limited time in their lives.
Paul: Yoga has done a lot to help with residual pain from time in the service. This pain translated to a temper and foul mood. Yoga has helped ease that pain, and that translates to a happier, kinder version of me.
Chris: Mentally, it helps reduce the daily stress and clear my head. Physically it helps to keep me flexible and active to chase my kids around. It’s a great reset in the beginning and end of each week to change gears.
Brett: The most obvious thing for me is that Maeve loves yoga, Maeve loves coming here and doing the kids classes. My wife’s practiced here and has done the prenatal classes. It’s a whole family thing. It’s an easy connection for us. Mentally, I feel much more present and balanced. From a physical perspective I feel much more confident in just picking up my daughter.
All four friends keep each other accountable for coming to class.
Soul Society: You guys were friends before coming to yoga. It's clear you have a good time giving each other a hard time, but you also are able to focus on the practice. Tell me about the camaraderie you share in practicing yoga together.
Paul: There is a high degree of accountability in the group. Additionally, when I observe someone else getting a move that I either can't do or I know they have struggled with, it makes you want to push yourself to be better, and you are stoked for them because deep down everyone wants to get better.
Chris: With us all practicing weekly together it helps to create accountability. We all see and feel the benefits of going and know we each need it. If one of us happens to miss class it doesn’t go unnoticed.
While these four men gravitate to our warm and hot classes, others take slow flow and VinYin. As Chris says: “Just like any other workout, there are different types of yoga that you can do, so you just need to find a class that works for you.”
Soul Society: What would you tell other guys who think yoga isn't for dudes?
Paul: Yoga is about building confidence and your own core mental, physical, and spiritual attributes to be a better human. The three "dudes" that keep me showing up check all the boxes for manly activities: They can pick up heavy things over their heads, drink brown liquor, enjoy shooting sports, hunting, boating, and being good husbands/fathers. But thanks to yoga they can almost touch their toes!
Brett: I’d tell them yoga has definitely changed my life for the better. It has a stigma that it’s just a bunch of people in a room stretching, and I say come do a class. Come, do one, and I guarantee you’ll be back. If you’ve been injured or your body hurts when you wake up, you should do yoga. It’s an absolute challenge, but you feel the differences so much more quickly than you feel differences for any other type of workout.
Chris: Come to one class; what do you have to lose? Just like any other workout, there are different types of yoga that you can do, so you just need to find a class that works for you. But I guarantee there’s something here for everyone.